MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
