Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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