He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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