I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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