these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
