the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
