the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
