I can text with my tongue
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
