Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
