You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
