did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
