I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
