there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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