You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
