how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
