i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
