i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
