Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can't talk, ducks in the car
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
