Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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