You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
