Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
