At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
