So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
