I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
