Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
party gras won. party gras always wins.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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