I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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