I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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