Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I just put wine in my tea
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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