what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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