Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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