I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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