I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
