so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
