Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
