We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
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It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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