Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
