pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
