I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
