Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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