First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize