this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
