I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
