thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
