Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
