You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
