so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I supernannyed him into submission
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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