do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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