i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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