EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
