Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So much Jack, so little girl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
