Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
