I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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