i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
