i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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