My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
