between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
