a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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