My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
