It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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