Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
