i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
