it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
