I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
