We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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