He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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