even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
