Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
