She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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