genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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