so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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