So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I fill condoms, not promises.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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