Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
