i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
