hotel room ftw
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
