For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
