she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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